10 Weeks on T!

2 Weeks on T Check In

This week was pretty weird honestly. I was pretty on-edge, but it wasn’t bad. 75% of what’s happening is I’m getting really bad acne, but the other 25% is fun!

My voice got noticeably deeper! It was rad. I was editing my podcast with my roommate (I’ll post the podcast itself in a bit), and I heard myself and I was like wow??? 2 weeks and it already sounds like I’ve got a bad cold but without the scratchy part! I mean it wouldn’t necessarily be noticeable to someone who was with me for the whole two weeks, but I compared it to the intro and it was there!

I also started working out. I did a fitness class tonight and I hurt so much. It was really fun though. Martin is really sweet and I had a good time.

Ballet is the *best*. I can do the posture, though my turnout is terrible, and I look like a prince and I just feel so etherial and soft but also masculine I love it. Who knew I could feel masculine in leggings?

I also went to a barber for the first time. He was really chill and my hair looks rad. I do low-key look like a fuckboy though. Either way it makes me feel confident. But barbers are actually the coolest. Why was this kept from me for so long???

 

~~~~ below this line is probably tmi viewer discretion advised~~~~

 

Anyway, the thing that they tell you but you don’t realize how bizarre it is is random boners. Like, I knew that they happened. I wasn’t exactly clueless and not friends with guys in middle school. It’s just… Annoying. It’s not like it can be seen (thank the lord for that), but it’s super uncomfortable and then I feel weird about it. And they happen at the most inconvenient times! Like during tests! Why are you turned on by my Hebrew quiz??? What’s wrong with you??? Idk man. Just figured it should be there for the *authenticity* or whatever.

1 Week on T Check-In

So I’m feeling ok, but kind of dysphoric. Ok, very dysphoric. In the words of my roommate, dys5ic.

I know that HRT is magic and that in a few months I’ll be super pumped and be able to see the changes, but right now I’m just so impatient and even a little irritable?

Like the only thing that kept me going for such a long time was the need to get on T, and now that I’m on it (and not feeling too terribly about my chest dysphoria in terms of what’s making me feel bad at the moment), I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Like yeah, there are other causes, other things I love to do, and other big events that are happening in my life and the world right now. I’m filling up my time with Jewish events and protesting and class. But at the end of the day I don’t know if I’ll ever need something like I needed T ever again. And that scares me. I’m scared that I needed something so badly that it kept me alive, that it might ruin my relationship with my parents, that it was my one real focus and everything else fell to the wayside.

So that’s where I am right now. I’m mostly confused and a little in shock and done with the golden glow of victory. Waiting is terrible, but I don’t want time to pass any more quickly than it already does. It’s a struggle.

Also I’m hungry like 100% of the time this is my personal hell.

I’m on T!!!